Jun 07 2009
A Choice.
Now. To get this started, I have to give you a bit of background. Trust me, I hate a play-by-play as much as the next person. But, alas, to truly understand, I am compelled to provide you with one. I’ll make it as brief as I can!
So, soon to be 32, I have never been one to go about things in a conventional way. And my life is at a crossroads that will take me back to a place I have already been. Maybe this time I’ll be able to get it right.
Here’s the play-by-play I warned you about: Distracted by all things that distract young women who think they are already all grown-up, a weekend adventure led to one that lasted 3 months and resulted in ultimate disappointment for my parents - I’m sure, although neither one ever said any such thing to me. A statistical high school drop-out my life took me to some interesting, incredible places and discoveries. Finally, in the year 2000 - 5 years after I was supposed to graduate, I dedicated myself to returning to school and obtaining the somewhat illusive high school diploma. Now, I must say that I didn’t quit school because I wasn’t good at it. In fact, I am very lucky in that regard. I learn quickly. Things come easily to me. I always excelled in school and this was no different. In 2001, I completed my grade 12 with honours. A very proud moment for me. But, I wasn’t done yet.
After another year of upgrading, I applied to a well-known, prominent college, in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. (The secret’s out - I’m a Canuck! At least I can edit out the “eh’s” on here!) I was accepted to the Computer Technology program and was moving to one of the largest cities in Canada. While I had visited a number of large cities both in the United States and Canada, I had never actually resided in one. I could barely contain myself. Finally! I was escaping the small town tie-down. The go-nowhere job. The mundane daily routine where everyone knows you and your business. I was going to be a part of something bigger; something glamorous (and anonymous)!
I started my program and quickly realized that I was NEVER going to be a Computer Programmer. So, I enrolled in some business, law, and communication courses to try and figure out my next move. It couldn’t have been better timing since it was summer in city! I had a light course load and the city at my doorstep! It was amazing. A summer filled with all the fun and flare that only a city can offer. Alas, I’ll save those details for another day…
Anyway, back to my play-by-play. I narrowed my next move down to two. I settled on the Legal Assistant Diploma program. When I was a kid I had always figured I’d grow up to be a lawyer so rather than commit to 7 years of school, I decided I would spend 2 making sure I wanted to go that direction while obtaining an education that would guarantee employment at a level higher than that which I had spent the last nearly 10 years working at. Retail really is a thankless job. You work tirelessly to please people near impossible to make happy, get paid crappy wages, have to be on your feet for hours on end, you greet complete strangers that do all that they can to avoid you, and you never really get anywhere. Those of you who continue to work in this sector - I have nothing but the utmost respect for you. I am of the opinion that you, too, should be tipped for your services. You work just as hard as any waiter or waitress and definitely deserve to be rewarded for your hard work and diligent efforts. Wait! Back the bus up! I digress…
In 2005 I graduated from the Legal Assistant Program with honours. Before I had finished the first year of the two-year program, I had figured out that I had probably made a mistake. But, I am very good at starting things, getting distracted, losing my focus or, well, directing it somewhere else so I stuck it out and finished. Right after graduation I landed a pretty sweet gig with a sole practitioner. It was more money than I had ever made before and at first I was even considering that maybe I had done the right thing after all. I convinced myself of this for over a year. Finally, I moved on to a new field, Lease Documentation Administrator, at a huge firm. I made my way into Corporate Calgary. The big fancy firm, the big fancy pay-cheque.
It seems, however, that I do not fit into Corporate Calgary very well and found myself unemployed in just over 3 months. I forced myself to bank on that old cliche, “everything happens for a reason”, but I admit I was scared. Thank goodness for the big city. The “land of opportunity” - I know, another cliche, but lucky for me they rang true at this point in my life. 30 years old and unemployed. Perfect. Not exactly my proudest moment.
Okay. We are nearing the end of my play-by-play. I decided to look for something where I was more of my own boss. A job that provided flexibility and opportunity. It seems that even when you have a Diploma under your belt, things are much like retail. Your position is just better paying and rather than being on your feet all day, now you sit on your butt at a computer screen all day. The pay is better, for sure, but still limited along with the opportunities to advance.
My next career aspiration was that of a Mortgage Funder. It was perfect! I got to work from home, started my own business, put out the money to get licensed as a Mortgage Broker so that I could do my job as a Funder better and take on more responsibility and was loving every minute of it. I had found what I was looking for. Everything was going great until one beautiful, sunny afternoon. My boss called me up and asked me to come to her house (where her office was) with her laptop. In tears she advised me that she could no longer afford me. She was selling her home, dissolving her business, and moving to another province. POP!! There it all went. I was beginning to believe I was never going to find “it”, my niche. I was also learning very quickly that the only person I could truly rely on and trust was myself. Business and people in business will always do what is best for themselves. I do not fault them for this. That’s business. And I have and will continue to do the same.
I was at another crossroads. Back to the daily 8 - 4 grind or try to do something else? I decided on everything! I applied to EI, got a contract position with the Federal Governement, and through EI applied for a self-employment program. Since I was a licensed Mortgage Broker, I decided to try and build my own business. My old employer took me onto her team with a new brokerage and I began attending classes on how to start, run, and create a successful business through the EI program. I got so busy with this that I resigned from the contract position. I was learning everything I could. Attending all sorts of classes and trying to build contacts that would go through me to get a mortgage took up all of my time. I was excited and things were going fantastic!
Of course, this is about the time that life decides to get in the way again! And, what brings me to the end of my play-by-play and my current situation. I don’t think I have mentioned this yet, but I have a significant other with which I have been lucky enough to have by my side through all of this. One of our mutual dreams was to have a home on the water somewhere. Somewhere outside of the city and our walk-up townhouse. Somewhere the neighbours don’t mind if you have friends over at 4 am on a weeknight during stampede week. And who don’t mind your singing on the balcony for entertainment at 4 am on a weeknight during stampede week.
Now, we were always looking. And to be honest with you, I don’t recall the exact parametres that brought us to be looking so seriously that we found this place. I remember feeling tired of the city. We had been living in it for 6 years now, after all, and both of us grew up in small rural towns. He (my husband in training - he’s a slow learner, we’ve been together for 13 years this fall) usually takes forever to make a decision. He analyzes everything and then reanalyzes it just to make sure that he analyzed it right the first time. But, not this time. I guess something spoke to him here or something, because he made an offer that was accepted that day. Never, ever, in the nearly 12 years it was at that time, had I ever seen him make a decision that quickly.
Well, that’s what brought me here. All of a sudden, we’re moving to rural Alberta. A 20 minute drive to the nearest town, which has the astounding population of about 500 people. The city is only an hour and a half away, so I get a regular fix. I have to admit I don’t miss the traffic. And I love that I can make all the noise I want at 4 am and no one will hear a thing (although this doesn’t seem to happen anymore - must be a city side effect or something). I love that I can jump on my quad and go for a ride whenever I want. I love that my view is overlooking the beautiful clearwater river. We have hundreds of birds that sing for us all day, every day. It is truly an amazing place.
Now, as a Mortgage Broker, it’s all about who you know. The connections you make. The relationships you build. This is a difficult thing to do when you are new to a very small community where most of the people have some life long tie. In order to broach this obstacle, I decided to take on a day job, one that would establish me as a prominent community member. What better way to do this than to work for the Town. Right in the middle of everything at the Municipal Office. And, I have to say, it worked! I have made many connections, built relationships, and created friendships. My mortgage business has done well - not well enough that I am able to quit my day job, however.
Which brings me back to that same old cliche again! I apologize for it profusely, but it is hard to ignore. Everything happens for a reason. Once again, I have realized that I do not fare well working for someone else. I take a great deal of pride in my work. It seems that I am continuously employed by others that do as well, since they take the credit for it. That’s one thing I have learned. With only a 2-year diploma, you do all the work and someone else gets all the credit.
Here it is. I am tired of it. I am not happy. I wish I could take the City and mix it with the Country. There are so many things I love about both. The opportunity the city exudes, the stability and freedom the county offers. It seems, though, that I am faced with A Choice.
In order to get beyond those things that don’t make me happy, I need to redirect myself. I need to make myself better. I am the only one that can change my life. I am the only one responsible for my happiness. The trouble is, I am scared. I have made so many decisions that appear not to be right, looking back. It’s not like I am getting any younger. I love my new home and the life that comes with it. Changing my life means changing my locale. After all, a town of 500 people doesn’t really have the means to offer a higher education.
Then, if I decide to go back to the city, to go back to school, how do I decide where to go? What to take? Do I try to use the 2-year diploma I already have for credit toward a degree or do I start all over and go for the full 4-year degree so that I learn everything I can about my chosen field. Yes, I have that figured out at least!!
When I was reevaluating my position at college, when I learned that I would never be a Computer Programmer, the other alternative that I had narrowed it down to was Journalism. I went the other way to explore my desire to be a lawyer as I mentioned before (After working for lawyers I quickly learned that I would never want to be one), but also because I was naive in thinking that in taking Journalism my only option was to be a reporter.
Television makes the life of a reporter seem very destitute and cut-throat. I have since learned that this is simply not the case. There is so much more to this degree than meets the eye. Ultimately, it’s a degree in writing and, in case it’s not apparent, that’s what I love to do! It’s funny though, it took the day job I have right now for me to figure this out. Or well, at least to realize that I could have an enhanced, lucrative career in writing. There are so many facets to a career in writing! What opened my eyes to it was the week I spent “grant-writing” in my current position. “Everything happens for a reason!”
City or Country? Two years or Four? Really, once one decision is made, the others fall in to place. That’s where I am. This is what I am faced with. Today. Everyday. A Choice.
